As i write this i am crying. Ive come to the conclusion of some things. You once asked me if i loved you... I realized a long time ago that... *I DO*. Im not "in love" dont get it twisted but i do love you. I really hate myself for letting my heart get here. But hey, it is what it is. I cant change it & even if i could to be honest with u... i wouldnt. This is all kinda hard to write... well maybe the right thing to say is that its kinda hard to put into words. I have to write it though because i think that if i say this face to face I'd cry. FACT...
I know about her & i have accepted the situation as well as respected it. I would never in a million years try to come in between it. NEVER. I know im not HER but I've always thought that i was more than THEM. Coming from the mouth of a prophet who happens to be a best friend to you... IM NOT. I love my thoughts of you. As you know they have always made me smile. So for someone to destroy the only true thing that is OURS hurts. I like to think that you care. I like to think that you love me. Its my right. Weither it be true or not it makes you worth every second.
I've never thought to be your lil "jump off" but it has come to my attention that thats all i am. I know you dont ask me to do anything but i do it because i want to. I feel complete with what you are able to give me... satisfied far from. I would drop my tomorrow for you if you asked. Since you have entered my life alot of things have stopped. I dont even have to write what they are, you should already know. Its called LOYALITY. Yes i have dated but nothing serious. They help the time that you are not with me easier. I guess thats where i went wrong.
So it brings us to this. I know what someone thinks shouldnt matter and in the beginning it didnt. Now we are at a point where me & the prophet argue about how i feel about you everyday. Lets get one thing straight. Ive never tried to hide the way i felt about you but for someone to "THINK" they have me figured out is mind bothering. To be honest with you... its old & im tired of it. So no, this decision isnt based off of anything that we've done. Its based off of your friend. The prophet is so sure on how sprung i am that he believes that i couldnt leave you alone if i wanted to. He feels I'd only be hurting myself because you dont care either way. Honestly i think that he will be the only one benefiting from the situation ending. If only he knew... at this point in time. I am not only losing someone i care so much for but i am also losing someone that i thought of as a friend.
I know thats your bestfriend and he should know you but what i know about guys (coming from a house of 5boys & 1 daddy)... Yall dont tell your boys everything. Especially about a girl your not suppose to like. The prophet knows you a little to well for me. You once proposed that we keep us going until one of us got married. Was that a serious proposal??? If im so not nothing to you... why would you want to do that??? At one point in time... that was music to my ears. I now dont think thats such a good idea. The prophet who you say knows you better than anyone tells me that i shouldnt feel this way because the feeling is one sided & you would NEVER feel the same about me. Im not your type & even if the chair was open. I would never be the woman to EVER sit in it... Dang. What a friend i thought i had...
You know my friends told me that they thought the prophet was jealous & hating... That i didnt want to believe. I now see that he's only looking out for me (lmmfao, if only you could see my face as i say that). So here we go. Are you ready???... I'm gonna go ahead & let us go. You say that it has to happen one day or another. So i guess today is that day huh??? Wow thats probably the hardest thing I've ever wrote. Im not a weak minded person but some things should not be said. Especially to someone thats suppose to be a friend. I can honestly say though that alot of the things the prophet has said hurts and are uncalled for. So if you care about me you should care about that.
Now i know you may not be bothered by any of this & for sure this could possibly be your great escape but if it isnt and you want me in your life... the prophet needs to know that you care a little more than he thinks. Other than that... Ive always said that one day i will wake up & you wont be the first thing on my mind... Ill go to sleep & you wont be in my dreams. Well i guess tonight begins the rest of my life. So of all the things thats you've never heard & may never hear... Bye Bye baby... I LOVE YOU!!!
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Wow that was really a heart to heart. I understand your feelings now lets take a trip down memory lane. Rememeber in the beginning you guys had a understanding that it was only about one thing. As time went on i did notice that yall were getting to comfortable and it wasnt just the sexual thing anymore... It went way past that and thats where you both went wrong. Who is this "prophet" to tell you how another grown man feels. He can only tell you how he THINKS he feels. I "think" he does care. Men dont do the things he does if they dont... but hey, thats my OPINION. You should know where you stand with him & you damn sure shouldnt have someone depicting you guys relationship period. You should have never allowed him to get in your head. He saw your weakness & has used it against you. Now hes ruined everything. So basically a job well done huh. He was never your friend... He's his bestfriend... remember that. My opinion, I dont think you should dead your relationship with him over his friends preceptions. If you want to end it let it end on your account... not the prophets. Keep in mind it is 2009 & his friend could be saying all of this because he actually wants you for himself. What else would be the reason??? No dude does that. Its hating. Hands down. He sees the way you treat him(which we know is only good cause thats the type of woman you are) and he is jealous. Everyone does everything for a reason so maybe he feels he can value you more than you are being valued. Who kows... So basically I want you to think twice about what YOU wanna do. You know i have never cared to strongly for this certain individual but i see that he does make you happy... so im happy. As for this prophet... Thats the only relationship that i see that needs to be ended and i mean as of last year. I love you & i know your gonna be alright either way. We do this shit lol.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way but in a sense i feel that hes out of line. Even if i am everything that he says i am... who is he to tell me anything. Thats not his place. The reason that i feel its worth ending everything is because he swears that the prophet knows him better than anyone. So how can i not take his word. My biggest mistake was allowing the prophet to be a friend... Well what i thought was a friend. Thats my fault & believe you me... Its a fixed situation. Yes he took me in as a little sister & oh what a bunch of fun nights out we have had... But our bus does stop here. As far as HIM. I dont think that i would have decided on today or tomorrow being the end. Maybe not even next week... but it was coming. So why not just jump off now while its in the mud. Im not his girl no... but i thought of myself as someone that he wanted happy. Apparently not. I know hes not gonna say anything to the prophet so what difference does it make. I cant entertain no man that wouldnt stand up for me. That just means he didnt want me there in the first place.
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that im sorry that this response took so long...I havnt been feeling well lately, but here goes. I know how hard it was for u to write this. Sharing emotions is never an easy thing to do, but I'm glad that u did. U had to get it out. I know the feeling. Loving someone so much that u just want to scream it to the world, at the top of ur lungs, from the highest mountain...but knowing deep down that the 2 of u werent meant for each other...at least not inevitably. Sometimes we often confuse mr. right-now and mr. right. Mr. right is out there, he's just not this guy. This guy is what i like to call "a seasons' reason." Everything happens for a reason babe, normally its to prepare us for something more difficult, another challenge ahead, or best of all to teach us something. Now being close to u, i have a little more in-sight on the situation than most and let me just say that NOONE ELSE...AND I MEAN NOONE ELSE, KNOWS WHAT U 2 MEAN TO EACH OTHER BETTER THAN U AND HIM!!! U know how that boy truely feels about u...ive seen him kiss u at work...i see his eyes light up when he sees u...i see his face frown when ur upset...he told u about his "Situation" becuz he does care and wanted u to hear it from him instead of someone else. True he should have told u from jump...but he did tell u when he felt something for u. He shows u respect when ur out...All im trying to say is that he does care...he has a situation which cant allow the 2 of u to continue on, but he does care....and thats more than most of these sorry dawgs a** n***as are capable of. I know he loves u 2. Think of all the things u do together, the way he kisses u, the things u share...this boy is not an "open" person...u know he wouldnt be this way with u if he didnt love u. Now that being stated...F*CK UR HATERS! forget the "prophet"...he obviously likes u...theres no hiding it...no grown ass man with hoes choosing him constantly (LAUGHINHG THE FUCK OUT LOUD HYSTERICALLY) is gonna sit there and pour salt on his man like that...why is it so important to him?? havnt u seen these teen/highschool movies where the geek wants the girl so he sabotages the relationship with the heartthrob?? the geek never comes out on top... hes left with a kiss on the cheek and a thank u, and his same recycled clothes he wears to the club over and over...whoops my bad...the villian doesnt win...THE PROPHET IS IN LOVE WITH U! now that being said...i know u r in tune with ur star player so what u really need is 5 more punks hatin on u by lunch time...pay these lames and their words no mind. What's actually happening is all 3 of u are trapped in a "i want what i cant have" triangle...u want the jolly green giant but he has his other woman...she was there be4 u and will be there after u. she knows her man is a dawg but they share an unbreakable common denominator...a child. and u of all people knows that a real woman is going to ride for the father of her child...He wants u!!! becuz hes not susposed to have u...he wasnt ready for this kid and didnt know if he wanted to be with the other woman forever...he still doesnt know that, but hes trying to be a stand up guy. When u were tossed into the equasion...u werent his "normal type". u were a breath of fresh air...u were uncomplicated...u were what he needed. AND AS FOR THE PROPHET...hes a hater...he wants u becuase his hearts been broken...he sees how good u are to this man and wants what he's never had, a real woman. he didnt hate from jump...he developed feelings for u becuase hes lonely and miserable...and deep down he truely feels like the other guy doesnt deserve u. so though hes being a punk bitch about it and hurting u in the process, he cant see that...hes blinded by hs own emotions and jealousy....as hov would say "Males shouldn't be jealous that's a female trait
ReplyDeleteWhatchu mad cause you push dimes and he sell weight?...Nigga respect the game, that should be it
What you eat don't make me shit - where's the love?"...CLASSIC!
My advice- the 2 of u need to siit down and talk...be real with one another...what u said in this letter say to his face...fuck that "he say she say" unless u gettin it from the source it doesnt matter. If ur ready to end this crazy triangle then do it...but if ur not the 2 of u have to talk...if he listens and respects what u have to say then u'll know right then and there how he really feels. as for the prophet u need to cut him out completely...get these squares out ur circle babe. hes gone about hings in the wrong way and he will pay dearly for it...i assure u of that. I LOVE U SO EFFIN MUCH! UR MY PRINCESS AND 1 OF MY BEST FRIENDS...whatever u decide just take the lesson with u...and know that i love u more than any man ever could!
Honestly i dont think there is n e thing for us to talk about... it is what it is and im standing my ground. we had our fun & now is the end of the road. just a lil upset that it was on behalf of an outsider. Yes i am letting him go. I really feel i have to. if he wanted it he would fix it. Its not like i want him to cut the prophet off. I just want him to clearify who i am to him. But im straight yall know that... YOU DO REMEMBER!!! lol. no one knows me better than you girl. I love you...
ReplyDeleteThis was so sweet and bitter at the same time. I dont care what no one says... The "Prophet" is hating and he is so out of place. Stop telling him your business. You are grown as hell so you should know that hes "the guys" best buddy so everything you say to him he turns right around and tells "the guy". So dont mention ANYTHING dealing with yalls relationship ever again. But pray about you and "the guy" and leave it in the hands of God. If you get an answer to stay then stay. If you get a answer to leave then leave and always remember any person is to good to be second!!!!!! And im not hating. I just care.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is i dont tell him n e thing. This story goes in such detail i just left alot out... The moral to the story is that he offers me all of this information. He throws everything in my face. I never ask question about "the guy". I was straight with what was going on. He didnt disrespect me so i felt like there was no need. The more hurtul part about the whole situation is that he portrays that im a "lil sister" & such this good friend. I just think that if thought i deserved better he should say just that. But he goes to put me down. Thats whats not kool. So i just decided that im keeping him out my face period. I cant associate myself with n e one that has hater in them. Im gonna speak to keep peace (best believe my feet wont stop moving) but im good on the friendship. I care about the situation ending because i care about "HIM"... but i dont care enough about this to add it to my prayer list when i have alot more important things to pray about. I appreciate you soooo much. i know that while everyone is gonna try to make me feel good about whats going on & still keep it real. Your gonna let me have it point blank period without all the sugar to make it sweet. Thanks.
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