As i write this i am crying. Ive come to the conclusion of some things. You once asked me if i loved you... I realized a long time ago that... *I DO*. Im not "in love" dont get it twisted but i do love you. I really hate myself for letting my heart get here. But hey, it is what it is. I cant change it & even if i could to be honest with u... i wouldnt. This is all kinda hard to write... well maybe the right thing to say is that its kinda hard to put into words. I have to write it though because i think that if i say this face to face I'd cry. FACT...
I know about her & i have accepted the situation as well as respected it. I would never in a million years try to come in between it. NEVER. I know im not HER but I've always thought that i was more than THEM. Coming from the mouth of a prophet who happens to be a best friend to you... IM NOT. I love my thoughts of you. As you know they have always made me smile. So for someone to destroy the only true thing that is OURS hurts. I like to think that you care. I like to think that you love me. Its my right. Weither it be true or not it makes you worth every second.
I've never thought to be your lil "jump off" but it has come to my attention that thats all i am. I know you dont ask me to do anything but i do it because i want to. I feel complete with what you are able to give me... satisfied far from. I would drop my tomorrow for you if you asked. Since you have entered my life alot of things have stopped. I dont even have to write what they are, you should already know. Its called LOYALITY. Yes i have dated but nothing serious. They help the time that you are not with me easier. I guess thats where i went wrong.
So it brings us to this. I know what someone thinks shouldnt matter and in the beginning it didnt. Now we are at a point where me & the prophet argue about how i feel about you everyday. Lets get one thing straight. Ive never tried to hide the way i felt about you but for someone to "THINK" they have me figured out is mind bothering. To be honest with you... its old & im tired of it. So no, this decision isnt based off of anything that we've done. Its based off of your friend. The prophet is so sure on how sprung i am that he believes that i couldnt leave you alone if i wanted to. He feels I'd only be hurting myself because you dont care either way. Honestly i think that he will be the only one benefiting from the situation ending. If only he knew... at this point in time. I am not only losing someone i care so much for but i am also losing someone that i thought of as a friend.
I know thats your bestfriend and he should know you but what i know about guys (coming from a house of 5boys & 1 daddy)... Yall dont tell your boys everything. Especially about a girl your not suppose to like. The prophet knows you a little to well for me. You once proposed that we keep us going until one of us got married. Was that a serious proposal??? If im so not nothing to you... why would you want to do that??? At one point in time... that was music to my ears. I now dont think thats such a good idea. The prophet who you say knows you better than anyone tells me that i shouldnt feel this way because the feeling is one sided & you would NEVER feel the same about me. Im not your type & even if the chair was open. I would never be the woman to EVER sit in it... Dang. What a friend i thought i had...
You know my friends told me that they thought the prophet was jealous & hating... That i didnt want to believe. I now see that he's only looking out for me (lmmfao, if only you could see my face as i say that). So here we go. Are you ready???... I'm gonna go ahead & let us go. You say that it has to happen one day or another. So i guess today is that day huh??? Wow thats probably the hardest thing I've ever wrote. Im not a weak minded person but some things should not be said. Especially to someone thats suppose to be a friend. I can honestly say though that alot of the things the prophet has said hurts and are uncalled for. So if you care about me you should care about that.
Now i know you may not be bothered by any of this & for sure this could possibly be your great escape but if it isnt and you want me in your life... the prophet needs to know that you care a little more than he thinks. Other than that... Ive always said that one day i will wake up & you wont be the first thing on my mind... Ill go to sleep & you wont be in my dreams. Well i guess tonight begins the rest of my life. So of all the things thats you've never heard & may never hear... Bye Bye baby... I LOVE YOU!!!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Your First Kiss...
ok, so i was reading a blog entry & the blogger was talking about her first kiss. so it made me take a trip down memory lane & think of mine... n e one that is n e one that knows me knows that i was a tomboy all my years... didnt really grow out of it til Shine made me lol ;). so boys were really out of my mind. only reason i dated them was so that people would know i wasnt gay. but my first kiss was a memorable one. so i just wanted to know if you remembered yours... A lof people say their first kiss sucked. So if you dont remember your first kiss. What was ur favorite kiss??? U dont have to say names cause they just might be my friend on myspace lol. but wen was it? where was it? & how did it happen???
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Different Women, Different Way of Thinkin, How Do U Feel???
Whats up everyone? So where should I begin???You know people have different opinions on everything whether we like them or not we do. Here is mine on men cheating. I say men because I am a woman. I am not stereotyping and saying only men cheat, but talking from my shoes. I'd like for everyone thats reads this to give an honest response. No reason for lies, especially you men.
At work the other day I was talking to some coworkers about relationships. One of my co workers had a book in her hand called, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". I'm a debater so right away I'm like, " girl why the hell are you reading that? Me personally, I dont need a book to tell me about my man because no one knows him better than me." lol. She said that I sounded just like her boyfriend saying how I didn't feel like the book would help due to the fact that its based off of the authors relationships on top of the fact that he is white lol.(no disrespect)
So I'll say this...Ladies if u think that ur man ain't cheating or hasn't cheated u r a fool. All men cheat. Great leaders have cheated and still may be cheating. Men cheat until they are tired of cheating. Does that make you a bad woman?? No. I was listening to the Michael Baisden show and they were talking about why SSSOOOOO many black women r single....Do u know y???? Because women r looking for too much. Hold up I said that wrong...BLACK WOMEN are looking for too much.
We want a man that makes all this money, has a nice car (oh not just a nice car like a Maxima or something, we want Benz's, Inviniti's, BMW's, etc ) big luxury houses, dresses nice, cooks, cleans blah blah blah. We want all the things that r not important. Whats important is how he treats his mother, does he have goals, some type of ambition in life. DOES HE MAKE U HAPPY???? If he does, then nothing else really matters.
If u read the blog What women should know, you should know that thats my friend Jamie and she is talking about me. I am probably more happy in the relationship I am in than many of you will ever experience in life. Do I think that he doesn't cheat on me??? NO. Do I know that he does???HELL NO. He would never even dare to let me know for a fact that he has cheated...
Everybody always say what you don't know wont hurt YOU. But my moto is what I don't know wont hurt him. The most important part of a relationship is respect and as long as you keep what ever you are doing away from me then you have nothing to worry about. You can do nothing about what you don't know about and anyone who goes out trying to find something is a fool themselves. While your out searching for what you significant other is doing you just might end up slipping and losing out on the best thing that you could have had...Why search for drama???
Now when we got together and we did the whole little let me know you here know me thing that new couples do and I let him know what I stood for...and I don't stand for him having a relationship with another women.See some men don't just cheat on their women they have families and relationships that have been going on just as long as you've probably been with him...See now that woman is STUPID and thats not my case. I have a man that loves the air I breath and it has been proven. I am his world. I have given him the world, things beyond what money can buy. And he acknowledges it.
Until you know yourself and know your self worth you will always be worried about what the next man is doing. But when you love yourself and know your self worth believe you me your significant other will recognize that and know its not worth losing. My man knows that I am not worth any girl in the street. If we did a survey on marriages that have been together for more than 30 or so years... Well you know what, its really hard to put them in our survey because marriage was sacred then and meant more. So cheating wasn't really a problem. Lets just say 20 years or less. And ask both spouses have either cheated ever???? I'd bet that it has happened in over 85% of them.
I am happy. Why? because I don't dwell on what my man does, I dwell on what I do. I am the bottom b*%@!. Not none higher. I am where many want to be but will never get the chance. Alot of women lose out on a good man because he cheats. Just because a man cheats does not make him a bad man. It makes him a MAN. We all make mistakes. So it is worth forgiving.
Just to really sum all this up. For all u ladies out there who feel your man has never cheated and would never cheat then that means that your the ones that believe that cheating is only intercourse. For the record please let it be known cheating... is also in the thought, in the conversation and in the sight. That means your with a clone. Because there is no man that walks this earth that has not or will not lust for another woman or MAN. It is so written and that is a sin.
So I guess the question at hand is...Are you happy with the person your with or are you just settling. Would you leave a person for cheating or do you think that it is worth forgiving? Would you ever leave the person you are with for someone you cheated with? Are you willing to give up on someone that treats u good...no thats not the right word. Are you willing to give up on someone that makes you feel amazing all over. You smile when they cross your mind and the thought that this a someone you were willing to spend the rest of your life with. Are you willing to stand by their side and wait for this stage to pass or would you give it all up???
At work the other day I was talking to some coworkers about relationships. One of my co workers had a book in her hand called, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". I'm a debater so right away I'm like, " girl why the hell are you reading that? Me personally, I dont need a book to tell me about my man because no one knows him better than me." lol. She said that I sounded just like her boyfriend saying how I didn't feel like the book would help due to the fact that its based off of the authors relationships on top of the fact that he is white lol.(no disrespect)
So I'll say this...Ladies if u think that ur man ain't cheating or hasn't cheated u r a fool. All men cheat. Great leaders have cheated and still may be cheating. Men cheat until they are tired of cheating. Does that make you a bad woman?? No. I was listening to the Michael Baisden show and they were talking about why SSSOOOOO many black women r single....Do u know y???? Because women r looking for too much. Hold up I said that wrong...BLACK WOMEN are looking for too much.
We want a man that makes all this money, has a nice car (oh not just a nice car like a Maxima or something, we want Benz's, Inviniti's, BMW's, etc ) big luxury houses, dresses nice, cooks, cleans blah blah blah. We want all the things that r not important. Whats important is how he treats his mother, does he have goals, some type of ambition in life. DOES HE MAKE U HAPPY???? If he does, then nothing else really matters.
If u read the blog What women should know, you should know that thats my friend Jamie and she is talking about me. I am probably more happy in the relationship I am in than many of you will ever experience in life. Do I think that he doesn't cheat on me??? NO. Do I know that he does???HELL NO. He would never even dare to let me know for a fact that he has cheated...
Everybody always say what you don't know wont hurt YOU. But my moto is what I don't know wont hurt him. The most important part of a relationship is respect and as long as you keep what ever you are doing away from me then you have nothing to worry about. You can do nothing about what you don't know about and anyone who goes out trying to find something is a fool themselves. While your out searching for what you significant other is doing you just might end up slipping and losing out on the best thing that you could have had...Why search for drama???
Now when we got together and we did the whole little let me know you here know me thing that new couples do and I let him know what I stood for...and I don't stand for him having a relationship with another women.See some men don't just cheat on their women they have families and relationships that have been going on just as long as you've probably been with him...See now that woman is STUPID and thats not my case. I have a man that loves the air I breath and it has been proven. I am his world. I have given him the world, things beyond what money can buy. And he acknowledges it.
Until you know yourself and know your self worth you will always be worried about what the next man is doing. But when you love yourself and know your self worth believe you me your significant other will recognize that and know its not worth losing. My man knows that I am not worth any girl in the street. If we did a survey on marriages that have been together for more than 30 or so years... Well you know what, its really hard to put them in our survey because marriage was sacred then and meant more. So cheating wasn't really a problem. Lets just say 20 years or less. And ask both spouses have either cheated ever???? I'd bet that it has happened in over 85% of them.
I am happy. Why? because I don't dwell on what my man does, I dwell on what I do. I am the bottom b*%@!. Not none higher. I am where many want to be but will never get the chance. Alot of women lose out on a good man because he cheats. Just because a man cheats does not make him a bad man. It makes him a MAN. We all make mistakes. So it is worth forgiving.
Just to really sum all this up. For all u ladies out there who feel your man has never cheated and would never cheat then that means that your the ones that believe that cheating is only intercourse. For the record please let it be known cheating... is also in the thought, in the conversation and in the sight. That means your with a clone. Because there is no man that walks this earth that has not or will not lust for another woman or MAN. It is so written and that is a sin.
So I guess the question at hand is...Are you happy with the person your with or are you just settling. Would you leave a person for cheating or do you think that it is worth forgiving? Would you ever leave the person you are with for someone you cheated with? Are you willing to give up on someone that treats u good...no thats not the right word. Are you willing to give up on someone that makes you feel amazing all over. You smile when they cross your mind and the thought that this a someone you were willing to spend the rest of your life with. Are you willing to stand by their side and wait for this stage to pass or would you give it all up???
Friday, January 16, 2009
Is It Wrong???
Girls talk... Duh!!! Me and mine were talking the other day about men... what else lol. This particular conversation was about the different type of guys we attracted. While most of my friends attract "them"... those are the ones that stay away from me. Ive noticed that the men that are attracted to me tend to age from 26-33 (sometimes older), are all career established, and are either married or in a relationship where they sh0uld be married. Do I talk to them??? Of course lol. Why not??? So this is where we begin to debate.
Guys my age (22 to be exact) are intimidated by me. Why??? Idk. When im out they do stare but will never approach me. While the guys that love that umpf in me ;) and aren't afraid of the handful they can look at and tell I am. Approach me like a man, is sure to make me smile. If I'm out at the club he buys me a drink. If my girls are there with me he buys them drinks as well. If we want seconds he buys. He's a gentleman. He tells me about his situation and gives me the option to continue the conversation. Just because he's spoken for does that means I shouldnt bother??? A LIE!
Let me explain the difference. I dont want a man. So him being in a relationship is perfect. I'm waiting on who im waiting on so he's just there to help past time. FACT. My friends are so against it because they feel like its a disaster in the making. I dont agree. I know how to control my feelings. I give every man what I want him to have. I don't need love... I have it already. He doesnt need to love me because he has it as well. When I do decide that LOVE is what I want to do I will give my unconditional love to a man that is willing and able to love me the same.
All women get attatched at some point in time to the situation that they are in. For some reason or another its inevitable so im not saying that. What I am saying is that I dont want him to leave the situation that he's in. Now there are women that will want the situation that the man is in to end and will go to hell and back to make sure it does. That woman is not me. For what??? I know that he would never leave his situation... and if he would I know that he would leave me just the same. So that is already programed in my head. I dont call them... they call me and for that reason it makes them call me more. I take into consideration that im his get-away. So I save the drama and all the other things he hears at home and try to keep him as happy as possible. He buys me what I want, takes me where I want. Even without me asking he gets me the things he wants me to have. Calls me when "HE" wants and at the end of the night... goes home to sleep by his woman. It works out so perfect.
If his woman ever called me I'd deny it to the end. No relationship will be destroyed on behalf of me. I want to help salvage the relationship because if she leaves you... please note I CAN'T TAKE YOU!!! But I know that she wouldnt leave you. Ya'll would work it out under one condition... I have to go. I accept that.
So it brings us to this... Is it wrong for me to accept a man that is involved with someone? Do you think that its possible to be the outside person and help make someone that already has an inside person happy??? AND men... Do you give a woman the option of dealing with you knowing that you have someone or do you lie and hide it???
Guys my age (22 to be exact) are intimidated by me. Why??? Idk. When im out they do stare but will never approach me. While the guys that love that umpf in me ;) and aren't afraid of the handful they can look at and tell I am. Approach me like a man, is sure to make me smile. If I'm out at the club he buys me a drink. If my girls are there with me he buys them drinks as well. If we want seconds he buys. He's a gentleman. He tells me about his situation and gives me the option to continue the conversation. Just because he's spoken for does that means I shouldnt bother??? A LIE!
Let me explain the difference. I dont want a man. So him being in a relationship is perfect. I'm waiting on who im waiting on so he's just there to help past time. FACT. My friends are so against it because they feel like its a disaster in the making. I dont agree. I know how to control my feelings. I give every man what I want him to have. I don't need love... I have it already. He doesnt need to love me because he has it as well. When I do decide that LOVE is what I want to do I will give my unconditional love to a man that is willing and able to love me the same.
All women get attatched at some point in time to the situation that they are in. For some reason or another its inevitable so im not saying that. What I am saying is that I dont want him to leave the situation that he's in. Now there are women that will want the situation that the man is in to end and will go to hell and back to make sure it does. That woman is not me. For what??? I know that he would never leave his situation... and if he would I know that he would leave me just the same. So that is already programed in my head. I dont call them... they call me and for that reason it makes them call me more. I take into consideration that im his get-away. So I save the drama and all the other things he hears at home and try to keep him as happy as possible. He buys me what I want, takes me where I want. Even without me asking he gets me the things he wants me to have. Calls me when "HE" wants and at the end of the night... goes home to sleep by his woman. It works out so perfect.
If his woman ever called me I'd deny it to the end. No relationship will be destroyed on behalf of me. I want to help salvage the relationship because if she leaves you... please note I CAN'T TAKE YOU!!! But I know that she wouldnt leave you. Ya'll would work it out under one condition... I have to go. I accept that.
So it brings us to this... Is it wrong for me to accept a man that is involved with someone? Do you think that its possible to be the outside person and help make someone that already has an inside person happy??? AND men... Do you give a woman the option of dealing with you knowing that you have someone or do you lie and hide it???
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